The wedding ceremony sets the entire tone of the wedding. A well-conducted ceremony gets the wedding off an optimistic start, just as a poorly performed wedding can mar your entire day. Of all the details involved in planning a wedding choosing your wedding officiant is the most important. Unfortunately, choosing a wedding officiant is nowhere near as exciting as shopping for wedding dresses or picking the wedding flowers! As such, most couples give it minimal thought.
The overall feel and style of your wedding will help determine the personality and style of the wedding officiant. A formal, large-scale wedding calls for a dignified, conservative wedding officiant, while for a casual wedding, an officiant that is lighthearted and relaxed would be more appropriate. That's not to say you can't have a serious wedding officiant at a smaller, intimate wedding or a jovial officiant at a traditional wedding. Your personality and that of the wedding officiant should complement one another. You'll be spending a lot of time planning the ceremony with your wedding officiant, so make sure it's someone you enjoy working with.
The first thing to decide before beginning to look for an officiant is whether the ceremony will be religious or civil. A religious ceremony, performed by an ordained officiant such as a priest, rabbi, or minister, is recognized not only by the state, but also by the affiliated religion. A civil ceremony is performed by an officiant who has been certified in accordance with state laws -- a county clerk, justice of the peace, mayor, or celebrant affiliated with a nonreligious organization such as the American Ethical Union or the American Humanist Association.
A wedding planner will often have a list of officiants he or she has worked with and can pass along those names. You should take note of friends' services they've enjoyed and ask them for references as well.
Since the officiant you choose can enrich your overall wedding experience and help you prepare for married life, getting to know your officiant and discussing what you can expect from each other will help eliminate unnecessary anxiety on your wedding day. The single most important aspect when choosing your wedding officiant is trust. Is this someone you can trust to perform your wedding ceremony proficiently? You're entrusting your wedding ceremony to this individual.
If you regularly attend church or temple you will probably know your officiant -- in which case they make an obvious choice. Otherwise, ask a lot of questions. During the first meeting with an officiant, start by asking questions about his or her approach to the service and what the ceremony will entail -- whether there will be a speech or a sermon, and whether the couple can offer input on the subject. Should you choose to add some personal touches to the ceremony, such as writing your own vows, you can ask the officiant for suggestions and advice.
Most important of all - trust your instincts. You'll know when it feels "right".
Be sure to book your officiant as early as possible, contacting him or her up to a year in advance and scheduling meetings for six months and ten days before the wedding. Booking early will put your mind at ease; also, many religions require or strongly suggest that a couple attend premarital counseling sessions, which can start well before the wedding.
While there's no obligation to invite the officiant to the rehearsal dinner or reception, many couples choose to do so, especially if they have a close relationship with him or her. If the officiant is included, be sure to send a formal invitation and invite his or her spouse as well; traditionally, they are seated in a position of honor at the parents' table at both occasions.
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